“Love is not blind. Love sees what is most true.” ~ Vanna Bonta
As I sit here 26 weeks pregnant today and approach each day with caution, I can feel my love for our new baby girl grow exponentially. I wait anxiously for the smallest movements, rolls, kicks and pokes. I count each day and each week backwards from when I delivered Q and E at 28 weeks, just 2 short weeks from now. Even as I type these words, I can feel the breath catching in my lungs waiting hopefully for my mouth to open and exhale…the physical manifestation of my entire being begging for the unavailable confirmation that everything will be different this time. Yet, even in this expected ambiguity, with each roll, kick and poke, I find comfort and confirmation that everything is as it should be right now. Although we cannot see her, all of us have our own connection with the sweet girl, we will name Mia.
While the love from KSP and me is obvious as her parents, the love between siblings can be harder to distinguish; however, with a discerning eye and some intuition, it is all clear as if peering through a window to the soul.
Each day, little Q touches my belly and says, “that’s baby Mia?” I always respond with “yes, bug, do you want to say hi to her, she can hear you.”
He always replies yes, and tentatively puts his face right up against my belly and with muffled words, says “hi, baby Mia.” I can’t help but smile from the inside out as a warmth radiates throughout my body each time.
With E it’s a different approach, and in some way, it’s more as if little Mia is the one taking the initiative; as if she knows….
The reason we chose the name Mia was not simply because we liked the name. We chose Mia because we truly believe it is a word that, no matter how limited E’s vocabulary, she will be able to say some version of her sister’s name. That, with her new ability to say “mmmm” and “ba ba ba ba” she will at some point near or far into the future, she will be able to say some word that sounds like “Mia” that she will associate with her sister.
Perhaps it is this knowledge that Mia already knows in her heart. That while she is the baby girl, she will someday be the big girl. So each night as I hold E to give her her bottle before bed on my ever-expanding belly, little Mia starts to kick her sister. To say hello. To these little nudges, E’s eyes light up and she gives me a smile to say, I know too Mama.
In those moments, suddenly all the anxiety about if everything will be ok, about being afraid of the past, about how we will manage the future, flies out the window, for as it has always been, it will be the love that guides us in how it will all work. We are not blind. I am not blind, for I see what is most true…love all around in everyday words, looks, moments, and gestures. I hope you can all find this love somewhere today with a child, spouse, sibling, friend, pet, or whatever or whoever brings you joy, and let that love make today ‘anewfavoriteday.’