The sounds of letting go.


“Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions.” ~ Albert Einstein

“Maaammma” Q says as his feet pad across the hardwood floor looking for me.

E gives a high pitched squeal delighted by whatever is in front of her. I can imagine the electric smile charged with sunshine as it flashes across her face.  Her grunts of enthusiasm ring down the hall and I can imagine her scooting to whatever has caught her attention.

There is a chill in the air.  The light is grey and low as I sit in my office eavesdropping on my minis playing the room down the hall. I am working from home.

The sounds fill my soul. They bring relief. A light weight sensation of guilt harbored over 2.5 year’s time floating away.  They are close to me now, I have made my choice. I no longer walk the tightrope of wondering what more could be accomplished if I was at home instead of sitting in an office only minutes away.

My heart would leap out of my body and stay behind with them as I left for the office. Offering itself as a proverbial sacrifice at the throne of mother’s guilt.

Now, I can hear their voices, and feel their presence.

A shake of a rattle, a small voice, a crash of Lego tower hitting the ground, a giggle.

I am blessed to have these moments. To have been given this opportunity.  To have been aware enough to take it.

My imagination fills up for them.  What they are doing, what they are interested in, what the future might hold for us.  Now, in a moment I can walk down the hall and preview our future, life’s coming attractions, but I also don’t have to imagine. I can go steal a cuddle, a kiss, and extra minute or 2 of therapy with E.

The sound of the wheels on the hard wood floor vibrate through the chair as I slide back from desk. It’s time to go steal a cuddle.

Linking up over at Heather from “Extraordinary Ordinary’s” lovely “Just Write” and of course you have probably figured out by now I am a total YeahWrite Addict!

46 thoughts on “The sounds of letting go.

  1. I feel the tug of the love you feel for your offspring so clearly from your evocative post above. Lovely, my friend. xoxo.

  2. Very beautiful. The joy you take in your children shines through in your writing! Catching them in play or grabbing a quick kiss is just the best. 🙂

  3. oh, as a mama that works outside the home, I so get this internal debate…everytime I kiss the tops of sleeping kids as I leave the house at 5:30am…but I’m home to pick up from school…still, some days, that’s not enough….

    1. It’s so hard to be a working out of the house mama. I probably would have stayed that way had it not been for E’s special needs but alas I can’t look back with ‘those” regrets and who knew that I would like it so much! It’s not easy and that guilt is ever-present but also a happy momma is a happy life, and them seeing you do what you do well is good for them too! Thanks for coming by:)

  4. Dear Shannon,

    As I read your post and then the comments that follow I find myself asking, ‘how the heck did I end up in the middle of all these blog by moms?’ The answer is that I am drawn to the love, the writing and the joy in life that I find here. Your post tells me you made the write decision (and that’s no typo). Good luck and thanks for the links.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    1. Hi Doug, I am chuckling as I read your comment…I could see how you might ask yourself that!:) I for one am so happy you have been drawn to the love and I know you have a similar love for your son so I am sure some of that gets to play out in our writing. Thanks so much and and I think you are “write!” 🙂

      Smiles and hugs,

      Shannon

  5. Congratulations on taking the plunge. I know the initial fear well, but this post beautifully captures the pure joy that can’t be felt until you’ve jumped. So happy for all of you!

  6. Gorgeous. I worked from home for 6 months and now work mornings in a radio studio and evenings from home. I miss being able to fit work around nap times, but it was also very hard juggling work with motherhood on days the baby wasn’t in the mood to sleep! You make it sound lovely though. x

    1. I am lucky to have a nanny Molly so I can have the best of both worlds. Kisses and cuddles but closed door office time when I need to focus. It doesn’t come without it’s distractions but based on E’s special needs, we had to find a way to give her some more mommy therapy time and this was our best solution. Very nice you can be home in the evenings though as that before bed time is so special (a little crazy at times, but so special!).

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