It feels like I have been away for ages, and in many ways I have been. Not in my heart but in the emotional need to continue to try to work towards a balance of work and life. Much of this stems from my expectations of myself as a person, mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc. The expectation to keep going and pushing. Expectation not born of need but of desire. My own expectations wrapped up as I watch little tiny miracles occur around me on a daily basis.
Since I have been on my intermittent hiatus, our little E an Q have made huge strides. E is now crawling. Not all the time and she still prefers to scoot, but she can crawl and does when prompted. She is also not making the sign for “I want” giving us all a huge amount of relief in not only her ability to learn it, but to know what it means and how to use it. She is ever so slowly making slightly more eye contact and on top of all of this, she “feels” like she is improving.
For Q, we started going to a gym on Saturdays so that we can learn to jump and climb and find the freedom that comes with feeling comfortable in your own body. His language is exploding and his ability to mischievously look at us while dumping the pee pee from his potty over his head as he did today seems to also increasing on a daily basis. With his increased confidence also comes increased protectiveness over his sister. It is here where I seem to learn the most about expectations. The expectations not of HUGE achievements but rather the greatness of the achievements themselves.
For Q and E, all of the achievements are worth celebrating. Not because most of them are of magnitude in the way that you would view a milestone, but rather is how remarkable it is that these little improvements are happening. And as with all improvements that we all make, we are making new connections in our brains which then allow us to make other new connections resulting in learning and development and improvement.
It is here where the “Great Expectations” are no longer just about my minis, but rather they apply to me. To feel with each new connection that I can push forward, that I have the spirit and energy to continue to push, advocate, look for new therapies, deal with potential and frightening diagnosis and dig deep to know in my heart of hearts that no matter what the diagnosis for E, if there ever is one, she will overcome. The greatness of our expectations will help her get there. And with Q’s acceptance of her just as she is, we as their parents have the ability to use this as our barometer for greatness. He always expects the dawn and so will we.
Today, look at each little improvement of those around you. An extra kindness gesture, a new skill, an aha moment, anything that may even be just slightly out of the ordinary. You may have no idea just how great that moment was….and what new dawn awaits.
I hope that with this new perspective on expectations both for others and yourselves, it can be all of our “newfavoriteday!”